Life is interesting… I’m trying to find my place in ministry. A place that I have called home and given my all to is now so far removed from me that I feel like a stranger amidst its halls. I have a new home that I am very satisfied with but there is tension in my home that is not undeserved… but I still feel bad about it. I have grown far apart from many of my close friends… and I’m incredibly close to becoming apathetic. I feel completely unmotivated in my school work. I want action, not more talk. Life is mediocre and insanely different. I’m looking for extraordinary and consistant. I’m in no mood to be descriptive and detailed about my life at this point because I lack the focus to do so. If you really care I would assume that you already know what is going on in my life. If I have overlooked some circumstances that leave you caring and oblivious to my status, you know how to get ahold of me. I’m much better at processing thoughts in conversation than in a html scripted diary.
Later,
Randy
EDIT:
My use of the word mediocre was not to be synonimous with mundane or boring. Mediocre was meant in the context that I feel that things are not fruitful and are depressing rather than uplifting. I know well the ability to find God in silence and even amidst chaos. My feeling of God’s presence has not become numb. It is merely that my feeling for everything and everyone else has. My fire has been smothered and I desperately am searching for the kindling to spark it once more. I have often turned to friends and school to spark the flames before. But let’s be honest, those whom I have sought for guidance have either left me or the relationship has changed drastically. In most of my friendships I have felt to be the one who comforts and never the comforted. Do not misunderstand me in thinking that I dislike helping others, far from it. I consider that work to be my bread and butter, it is something that I enjoy and have been positively affirmed in doing; in both my ability and in my willingness. I just lack someone to admire and to guide me the way that I try to guide others. I rely on God first and foremost but actual human confirmation of your direction and decisions feels incredibly different. It may not be overall as gratifying as God’s affirmation, but it is still gratifying and something I am missing. Hope this explains some things.
josimmons Said:
on 26/02/2008 at 2:16 PM
Just remember, the only consistent thing about life IS change. It can be overwhelming and crappy at times, but sometimes it is good. And when all else fails, pizz is delcious and brings a happiness like no other…especially Marco’s.
Jon Hatter Said:
on 26/02/2008 at 3:32 PM
On the note of mediocre vs. extraordinary: remember that God spoke through the still, small voice. He is around and he is working even in the mundane (especially in the mundane); which, ironically, turns the mediocre into the extraordinary.
And for what it’s worth, as far as blogging is concerned, there are those of us who care what’s going on in your life that don’t exactly have the means to sit down and talk w/ you all the time. It’s good to hear (or read, rather) what’s happening w/ your life.
We’ll be praying for you. Take care.