Every New Day

Hero

1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

2. a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal.

3. The principal male character in a story, play, film, etc.

4. Classical Mythology

a. a being of godlike prowess and beneficence who often came to be honored as a divinity.

5. the bread or roll used in making a hero sandwich.

I’m a person who loves heroes. I’ve spent my life admiring heroes of great stature. Fictional characters that inspire people to lay things on the line for others. I’ve always had a soft spot for the story of a hero. Spider-man, Batman, and the sort. Even stories of real life heroes like fire fighters and policemen, they make me feel good inside to know that we have heroes in this life.

I’ve always wanted that. I’ve always wanted to be a hero to someone. I don’t mean in the cheesy Enrique Iglesias sense of the word. I don’t mean that I have aspirations to run rooftops in a cape and spandex (the powers would be nice). I doubt that I’ll ever save anyone from a burning building. But I just want to do something that matters. I want someone to feel that Randy Burghdoff made their life better.

I look at the definition for a hero and I realize that I fall short. I doubt very much that my prowess is anything close to godlike, I doubt that my courage would be considered distinguished, my deeds to be defined as brave, or my qualities deemed noble. Some days I question if I’m the main character in anyone’s story, even my own. I would even bet that right about now I can’t even measure up to a piece of bread to most people.

I try to be a person that people can rely on. I give advice, I protect people I care about, I do everything I can to make people feel loved. I used to call these people my family. But I’m having many issues with that word lately. I have lived my life knowing only one person who is a blood relative. I have many people who have extended an invitation to be a part of their family. I have taken many invitations and have always been thankful for those people. But no matter what I’m told I find when the chips are down and when these people paint this picture of family, I’m not in it. I’ve spent so much of my life trying not to feel like I’m a charity case.

Last week, there were several times where the issue of adoption came out and what that means. That adoption is so much better because it means that we are chosen. I even made a mention that I felt that was true. But I’ve had several instances where I feel like I was chosen by default. Almost like the kid who was picked last in backyard football games.

I think the thing that kills me the most is that I don’t know anyone who can even begin to understand how I feel. People can claim they do… but they don’t.

I can only try to make others feel important and to continue as an unsung hero. Realize that maybe I’m not as important to some people in the way that they are important to me. Maybe I need to realize that no matter how much I want it or what my last name is or isn’t, there is no room for me in certain circles. I just thank God everyday that I have Melissa to make me feel important to at least one person. I really don’t know what I would do without her.

I wish that I could dive deeper into what is really troubling me, but I’ve learned that blogs no matter how private are just not a comfortable venue for my troubles. I will assume that those who care will talk to me about this. But I doubt that it will be anyone who is directly related to it. Pray for me to have a better attitude about this, I need to learn that being a hero isn’t about receiving love, it’s about making other people realize that they are loved. I need to love without strings attached. But most of all, I need to remember that God is my hero and loves me with no strings attached, even if everyone else falls short. I also need to remember that if blood means that we are related, then it’s through Christ’s blood that I need to find my family, not my own.

Take care,

Randy